It’s also quite isolating as I haven’t seen many people either.
So for the las couple of weeks I’ve thrown myself into my new Xbox game. I’ve spent considerable hours lost in another word with no motivation to rejoin my own.
But with that comes a huge sense of guilt. Mostly down to my inactivity. While I do feel the negative effects of it; fatigue and little appetite, there’s also a sense of shame insofar as I feel that as a fat person I am obligated to prove I am a “good fatty”. By this I mean, despite being fat, I don’t live the sedentary lifestyle that is wrongly presumed of fat people.
I see in many online disputes that someone makes hateful comments towards fat people there is a wild assumption that they are lazy and wilfully inactive, and in turn this means they are a bad person.
There are many things wrong with this arguement, and in my mind I know this, but I guess it shows how easily, and deeply, we as fat people internalise a lot of self loathing based on nothing but other people’s arbitary standards of humanity.
But after I calmed down, and with cup of tea firmly in hand, I started to think about why yet another hashtag, why yet another anti-fat campaign was rearing its ugly head. January is a loathed month for most fat people as our social media news feeds begin to clog with the “New year, new me!” mantras as people’s self-loathing drips like sweat at the newly joined gym.
Wait..hold up. There’s that horrible little word again: BMI.
I had my works Christmas meal a couple of days ago and I noticed when the dessert arrived it was like the fox in the hen coop. Suddenly there was a bustle at the table of people clammering to share their desserts, they simply couldn’t eat it all, and Oh! I don’t think I want it now. Hmm maybe. No!
To the point where I simply banged my hands on the table and told them all to eat their fucking puddings, or don’t, and to stop making a big bloody deal. I’m here for the sole purpose of eating with these people. I don’t need to hear this crap.
I know that, certainly as an adult, I’ve been very lucky in that I haven’t had anyone policing the food I eat at these gatherings. I’m sure there was the questioning brow and derisive comment as a young child, but if there was I’ve simply forgotten. But I know I am lucky in that respect and that this is a very real issue for many fellow fats this Christmas.
I guess the purpose of this post was for me to reach out, and to say that you don’t deserve to have your choices questioned, your body made public property for all to comment on. I fully appreciate that it is difficult for a lot of people to challenge this, for a lot of reasons. But as long as you realise that you are beautiful, you are worthwhile, and that these people and their negativity can go sit on chair of up-turned plugs, you’ll be ok.
I’ve always used humour as a tool to deal with my fat-shamers. Outsmart them. Embaress them. See how they like it. Chances are they’ll feel like a big pile of..Christmas logs..when being shown up in front of a table full of people and they’ll be less likely to do it again.
If you have one particular member of the family who is a repeat offender you could always appeal to their human side and speak to them before the occasion. Let them know how you feel. Speak to them afterwards and have some positive discourse. It doesn’t always have to be bad!
If you have a flare for the dramatics, as I certainly do, you can always just dump your dinner on their plate and leave with the gateaux.
But ok, joking aside, and I know this is a garbled mess of a post, but I need to say it again
YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS CRAP SO DON’T TAKE IT. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S FAMILY IN FACT THEY SHOULD BE THE ONES CARING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND SUPPORTING YOU.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you have a great time and enjoy yourself.
This isn’t a sentence that could describe my year, however I did manage to find myself a little luck this week. Take a dress you’ve been eyeing for ages, add a half price sale and finish with a gift voucher with enough money to cover it all and voila! One Christmas party dress!
I spotted this Velour Skater dress in my local Marks and Spencers but given that I’ve been off work for nearly four months I’m pretty brassic right now. I managed to pick it up for half price. The dress is amazing! The quality of the fabric is excellent and the fit is a dream. It’s actually a size 22 so while it’s figure hugging (I’m a 26) it’s also pretty generous if it can accomdate me so well! As it’s a couple of sizes smaller it sits a little higher up my leg than what I’m used to, but it’s so comfy I didn’t feel self concious at all.
Feeling like a 90’s goth dream I felt it was only appropriate to wear my massive clompers from back in the day when I used to go clubbing in Manchesters alt-bars and clubs. With a whopping 5 1/4 inch platform my Demonia Dynamite Mary-Janes make me feel..well..like dynamite.
As it’s Christmas I cracked out my special sparkles, matching my green jewellery to my green eyeshadow.
Hope you’re all enjoying your festive parties! xoxo
Here’s a later shot I took of the skirt when I got home to give you a better idea.
If it wasn’t already obvious I’m a budget kinda gal and right now money is tighter than ever. But sometimes you need a treat to keep you smilin’. For years I’d kind of avoided wearing lipstick. Even as a teenager I hated the feeling on my lips and ended up wiping it off after about an hour.
Of course my budget right now does not have room for such luxuries. But my problems were solved when Make Up Acacemy (MUA) introduced their Velvet Lip Lacquer into the MUA Luxe range. I was in love and for £3 it was a total bargain! Back when they first came out I picked up three from the original range; Kooky, Reckless, and Funk
But recently MUA brought some more shades out and I treated myself to Dare.
Recently New Look announced that they would be pulling the Inspire range from a number of their stores across the country. The reason? To make space.
Understandably, and myself among them, many people were outraged and took to social media to make their feelings known. There was a some back peddling on New Looks part and some ranges would not be pulled, such as the Oxford Street store. However that’s all well and good for Londoners, but what about those of us in smaller towns with even less choice for shopping?
I’ll be honest, I slowly stopped shopping instore with New Look some time ago. Every time I went in I felt myself becoming angry for many reasons. Firstly, nine times out fo ten, the range of pieces is VERY limited, with some stores having maybe one or two rails on offer and often the rails were a MESS. Clearly no one was invested in making this section presentable and atractive. Which I suppose lends itself to the attitude that New Look seem to have towards the plus size shopper. I stopped going because I would legitimatly spoil my day.
Here it was obvious that this company, and many others, simply don’t care about fat people. The clothes are drab and thoughtless, the sections are hidden away and extremely limited, and often an unkempt mess mixed in with maternity wear and stuck at the back of the store.
So what to do? Immediatly my thoughts turned to boycotting New Look. There are plenty of brands out there that have good relationships with their customers and actually care about the clothes they produce. But then I realised that as someone who is not exactly flush with cash my options suddenly became much less. Being fat is limiting, being fat and poor is something else. I live vicariously through the beautiful bloggers in their gorgeous Simply Be and Anna Scholtz pieces but the fact of the matter, for me, is that I’m stuck on high street. So am I really in a position to stop shopping in places that limit me when I’m already down to a few choices?
The sad fact is most of us who canot afford the more expensive brands are in a bind. We have to put up or shut up.