Christmas is a funny old time.
Considering that it’s a holiday when joy and togetherness is so encouraged it can be an immensely isolating and stressful time. I’ve not been terribly prolific on social media recently (though when am I ever?) mostly because I’ve been working so much in the run up to Christmas and then I took a week away to see my family up north.
It was a far too brief a trip. I had no money to do anything, I was too late for any Christmas markets, and I feel like I barely saw anyone, and I had no tie for any walks. But the small snippets I had were lovely. Kendal was especially magical this year. I think given that this time last year everywhere was underwater there seemed to be special effort with the decorations, and people seemed more friendly and upbeat than usual. Everywhere you looked were gorgeous, sparkling lights. The weather is much colder there and I loved walking through at night, where the streets are deserted, and it’s just you and the dog attempting to eat stuff off the pavement.
On the plus side I did have some reconciliation with my dad. We haven’t been on speaking terms much and I haven’t seen him for nearly a year. It felt good for things to feel normal again.
In other news my cars brakes failed driving back from Mums in Cleator Moor. The A591 is an unbelievably breathtaking drive, lots of bends and hills as it winds around the lakes and foots of fells; it is especially heart racing when your brakes are failing.
All good things must come to an end and I was back in the Midlands before I knew it, which wouldn’t have been so bad if I weren’t working on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I felt very disconnected from the festivities and missing my family made it more so. It felt like a disappointing end to a disappointing year. I did get to spend Christmas morning with my two favourite lads, and I got some truly wonderful gifts, but I felt like I was just waiting to go to work rather than relaxing and enjoying the day.
This is why Christmas can feel so anxious; there is such an enormous expectation to have fun and spend time with people and it’s not for the lack of wanting to but sometimes those things are not accessible to people.
I wish I had some cute outfit posts, I wish I had party stories, but the fact is that’s not always the reality. But for those who had a less than bomb ass Christmas I want you to know that things will pick up, there are people out there who feel how you feel.
Even with my own disappointing end to the year I can look back on this photo and know that the whole thing wasn’t a total flop: