There’s been a trend among brands in recent months that, honestly, is pissing me off.
Christmas and New Year is always a rough time for anyone battling with body issues as it’s rife with jokes about feeling fat/eating everything/feeling gross and associating it with fatness. The usual rude associations with fatness. But what I find most galling with this is it’s a lot of plus size brands doing this. It’s bad enough that we have limited clothing options as it is without further narrowing our parameters to not include brands that are literally insulting their demographic.
Fat people experience a lot of bigotry, they are more likely to receive inadequate health care due to biases levelled at them, if they even drum up the courage to go because they are anxious about the fat shaming they know they will experience anyway, fat people see the incessant message that thinness is the ideal in every source of media they consume and now they are being shamed by brands that are allegedly catering for them?
Is there anywhere we can go where we aren’t being shamed?
This need to be relatable with brands often comes across as really corny anyway, but it’s harmless jokes about hating Mondays so whatever, but with then insipid slew of “New year, new you” bullshit is this sewer of fat shaming from brands who should damn well know better.
Here’s an concept: how about you focus on selling quality clothes for fat people and stop insulting us? Put as much effort into your twee and relatable social media as you do taking the time to learn about how clothing works for fat bodies, how to not charge us ridiculous premiums, and make clothes that are on trend and fun to wear? How about that,hmm?
Considering that it’s a holiday when joy and togetherness is so encouraged it can be an immensely isolating and stressful time. I’ve not been terribly prolific on social media recently (though when am I ever?) mostly because I’ve been working so much in the run up to Christmas and then I took a week away to see my family up north.
It was a far too brief a trip. I had no money to do anything, I was too late for any Christmas markets, and I feel like I barely saw anyone, and I had no tie for any walks. But the small snippets I had were lovely. Kendal was especially magical this year. I think given that this time last year everywhere was underwater there seemed to be special effort with the decorations, and people seemed more friendly and upbeat than usual. Everywhere you looked were gorgeous, sparkling lights. The weather is much colder there and I loved walking through at night, where the streets are deserted, and it’s just you and the dog attempting to eat stuff off the pavement.
On the plus side I did have some reconciliation with my dad. We haven’t been on speaking terms much and I haven’t seen him for nearly a year. It felt good for things to feel normal again.
In other news my cars brakes failed driving back from Mums in Cleator Moor. The A591 is an unbelievably breathtaking drive, lots of bends and hills as it winds around the lakes and foots of fells; it is especially heart racing when your brakes are failing.
All good things must come to an end and I was back in the Midlands before I knew it, which wouldn’t have been so bad if I weren’t working on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I felt very disconnected from the festivities and missing my family made it more so. It felt like a disappointing end to a disappointing year. I did get to spend Christmas morning with my two favourite lads, and I got some truly wonderful gifts, but I felt like I was just waiting to go to work rather than relaxing and enjoying the day.
This is why Christmas can feel so anxious; there is such an enormous expectation to have fun and spend time with people and it’s not for the lack of wanting to but sometimes those things are not accessible to people.
I wish I had some cute outfit posts, I wish I had party stories, but the fact is that’s not always the reality. But for those who had a less than bomb ass Christmas I want you to know that things will pick up, there are people out there who feel how you feel.
Even with my own disappointing end to the year I can look back on this photo and know that the whole thing wasn’t a total flop:
Contrary to what many people might think about me I actually really love Christmas. I love the aesthetics, the food, the smells (honestly, apple and cinnamon room spray is like a year round must for me.). I love the idea of walking around a German market, wrapped up warm, cradling a cup of mulled wine.
What I don’t like about Christmas, apart from the Park hamper adverts starting in September, is the insipid gift sets that swell over the shelves. I just think that shit is so lazy and boring. So what do you get for that spoopy pal in your life? Taxidermy? A vial of blood of the innocent? I mean, I guess but that seems kinda impractical and probably hard to wrap. So stick with me while we navigate some stocking filler ideas for the beloved greebo in your life!
Now you don’t have to hate getting socks for Christmas! Secret Santa doesn’t have to suck! Shitty toiletries kits be gone! Happy shopping!
A couple of weeks back I had the pleasure of being invited to a little blogger meet in London at Stratford shopping centre. I finally got to meet two good blogger pals, Mookie and Leah, for the first time as well as getting to meet some new faces. I was really excited. Sharon and I traversed the tube before ending up at a glittering Christmas laden Westfield. After some dallying we headed out to do some shopping.
A heads up, Westfield Stratford City is abysmal for fat shopping. Though to be fair I think we all knew this and were just killing time until our meal reservation. I requested a pit stop into Boots for some dry shampoo and naturally we found our way into the cosmetics section.
I’ve recently become a bit of a fan of NYX. I’ve bought some under eye cream and 3 of their Soft Matte Lip Creams so far and I’m pretty chuffed with all of them so far. Much to absolute delight there was a NYX counter in this particular Boots. The staff looked INCREDIBLE. Their make up was amazing. I was cooing to the others about the lip creams and urging them to give them a try, when Leah and I came across the new Cosmic Metals Lip Creams.
Leah being the bad influence she is on me anyway convinced me to buy one. All the colours are pretty amazing.
Naturally I opted for the green shade, Out of This World. I’ve been on the hunt for a green lippy and so far I’ve only seen ones from Lime Crime and Jeffree Star, which I’m not touching with a barge pole. So I was excited to find green shade, that’s cheap, and a brand that (so fat, fingers crossed) are pretty un-problematic. This one is an emerald green with a green and gold pearl.
With my little win bought and tucked into my grubby paws we headed out to dinner. We were booked in at a lovely Brazilian place, Cabana. Great service. Lots of laughs, lots of chat, a little belly ache, and we were parting ways.
You ever meet people and immediately feel like you’ve known them for years? That’s how they all made me feel. I forgot just how much I feel revitalised in company like that.
So what is this? Some kinda diary? Where’s the bloody lipstick?
Ok, ok it’s here.
I was a bit hesitant to buy it, despite it’s amazing colour, because even though it says lip cream it’s pretty glossy.
Fuck it, though, right?
So I LOVE IT. The colour pigmentation is gorgeous. This is just one coat:
Super pigmented and glossy. It’s very opaque. As someone who’s pretty hamfisted I found them easy to apply. The long applicator and the doefoot brush made it easier to get quite a crisp (for me) line. The formula is very thick, almost gloopy. (Ha, I love that word. Gloooooooopy.)
I will say that be mindful that a lot of product comes out on the brush so if you want to build up the cover it might be tricky. As I said the forumula is very thick and so this might not be the best for daytime wear. I haven’t worn it all day but I can’t see it being long lasting past eating and drinking. But it’s a knockout for a night out if you’re into a poured on look.
I did try blotting my lips and I found that it still looked great. Gave it a more matte looking, almost steely finish.
For £7 this is a total bargain. Amazing colour, highly pigmented, and a lot of bang for your buck. I’m not going to rush out and buy many glosses but this is a little shimmering jewel in my collection.
I think this may have been one of the best in ages. My super rad chum Sharon at Rad Fat Feminist invited me to spend Halloween with her at a couple of events and I was so down! I spent about three days putting together a costume which, for me, was pretty awesome considering the complete lack of fine motor skills and any crafting ability.
I’ve recently dyed my hair orange and I wanted to try and incorporate that into my costume. I opted to go for Keyleth, the druid, from the Critical Role show on Twitch.
Friday night we went to a house party and I got to meet some of Sharon’s super awesome friends and hopefully made some friends there too, including Michaela from Cardiffornia Girl. Saturday night we went to Club Indulge , a fat positive club night, with some of the folks from the house party again in fancy dress. While I was totally up for it I was a little cautious about the club night. I was worried it was going be a little fetish-y but I had nothing to worry about. It was a total blast. Everyone was super friendly and there was a really easy going vibe to the night. The DJ couldn’t phase songs together to save his life but it didn’t hamper the night and if nothing else we got a pretty eclectic mix of music throughout the night.
It was interesting to me, as someone who isn’t bothered about going out on the town, how much more comfortable I felt at this kind of club night. I didn’t think I’d feel different at all, but I did. I haven’t been out much since I quit roller derby so I don’t have much to compare it to, but I think there was a notable difference and I’m really glad that people are able to create these safe spaces for fat folks to be able to have fun and socialise.
I was pretty tired from such an intense weekend of partying, staying up late, and kipping on Sharon’s floor. I crawled into my hoodie on the train home but grateful to have had such a great time and the opportunity to hang out with some many rad folks.
As sad as I was so leave everyone I got to come home to my favourite pumpkin:
I’ve been really lax with blogging lately and this is why.
Everyone, meet Vinnie.
He’s 4 months old and so as you can imagine he’s kept us busy.
It’s our first week and we’re still finding our routine and getting used to being out in the garden every 45 minutes instead of slobbing out in front of our respective computer screens, but it’s going better than we anticipated.
So far he seems to have a really lovely temperment. He’s good with strangers, and especially children. do anything too bad. He’s not really chewed anything and he’s barely barked. He’s just not keen on walking much right now. I know them feels, bud.
I’m still kinda pinching myself. I’ve wanted a dog for years but I’ve always held of because I felt I was too selfish with my time but the circumstances were right and so here we are. I do find myself forgetting how much my time is affected by a new puppy who you can’t leave. I can’t just go strolling into the shops when I feel like it, we’ve already had to cancel plans, and now I have to think about the sort of shifts I pick up at work. Sometimes, when I’ve been standing in the garden at 6.30am in the rain, I wondered what the hell I had done. But when we come back in and he can’t wait to sit in my lap and snooze it’s really, really hard to be sad.
Not that I am the most prolific of bloggers but recently I have had no motivation or inspiration for anything. I’m still off sick from work and the financial implications of this are such that I am very limited on the things I can do. Going out the door usually means spending money in some capacity. Even if I’m not going into a shop if I want to go anywhere nice for a walk I’d have to drive to the destination first, which means petrol. Petrol costs money. Money I do not have. It’s also quite isolating as I haven’t seen many people either. So for the las couple of weeks I’ve thrown myself into my new Xbox game. I’ve spent considerable hours lost in another word with no motivation to rejoin my own. But with that comes a huge sense of guilt. Mostly down to my inactivity. While I do feel the negative effects of it; fatigue and little appetite, there’s also a sense of shame insofar as I feel that as a fat person I am obligated to prove I am a “good fatty”. By this I mean, despite being fat, I don’t live the sedentary lifestyle that is wrongly presumed of fat people.
I see in many online disputes that someone makes hateful comments towards fat people there is a wild assumption that they are lazy and wilfully inactive, and in turn this means they are a bad person. There are many things wrong with this arguement, and in my mind I know this, but I guess it shows how easily, and deeply, we as fat people internalise a lot of self loathing based on nothing but other people’s arbitary standards of humanity.
I wanted to write a really helpful post about how to deal with the anxiety that social eating can cause as a fat person, over the holiday period. I really did. But I’ve come to accept that my only advice is getting that shit shut down.
I had my works Christmas meal a couple of days ago and I noticed when the dessert arrived it was like the fox in the hen coop. Suddenly there was a bustle at the table of people clammering to share their desserts, they simply couldn’t eat it all, and Oh! I don’t think I want it now. Hmm maybe. No!
To the point where I simply banged my hands on the table and told them all to eat their fucking puddings, or don’t, and to stop making a big bloody deal. I’m here for the sole purpose of eating with these people. I don’t need to hear this crap.
I know that, certainly as an adult, I’ve been very lucky in that I haven’t had anyone policing the food I eat at these gatherings. I’m sure there was the questioning brow and derisive comment as a young child, but if there was I’ve simply forgotten. But I know I am lucky in that respect and that this is a very real issue for many fellow fats this Christmas.
I guess the purpose of this post was for me to reach out, and to say that you don’t deserve to have your choices questioned, your body made public property for all to comment on. I fully appreciate that it is difficult for a lot of people to challenge this, for a lot of reasons. But as long as you realise that you are beautiful, you are worthwhile, and that these people and their negativity can go sit on chair of up-turned plugs, you’ll be ok.
I’ve always used humour as a tool to deal with my fat-shamers. Outsmart them. Embaress them. See how they like it. Chances are they’ll feel like a big pile of..Christmas logs..when being shown up in front of a table full of people and they’ll be less likely to do it again.
If you have one particular member of the family who is a repeat offender you could always appeal to their human side and speak to them before the occasion. Let them know how you feel. Speak to them afterwards and have some positive discourse. It doesn’t always have to be bad!
If you have a flare for the dramatics, as I certainly do, you can always just dump your dinner on their plate and leave with the gateaux.
But ok, joking aside, and I know this is a garbled mess of a post, but I need to say it again
YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS CRAP SO DON’T TAKE IT. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S FAMILY IN FACT THEY SHOULD BE THE ONES CARING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND SUPPORTING YOU.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you have a great time and enjoy yourself.