Having been on a bit of a hiatus I’m snatching a quiet moment while visiting family up north. I guess it qualifies as my summer holiday? So, last week I attended by cousins wedding.
There’s been an article floating around my various social media feeds that I wanted to address.
“I was skinny shamed by fat friends!” declares Mandy Appleyard as she tells us that after losing her menopausal weight that she was “shamed” by her friends. Mandy’s definition of ‘shaming’ meaning:
“You’re such a skinny-minny, you don’t need to lose weight” and “Ridiculous! You’re middle-aged, you should be eating what you want now.”
So while not an overall nice thing to say the general idea here is that Mandy’s friends think she’s perfectly ok the way she is and she should feel free to eat what she pleases and not worry about it.
Ok, so anyone making unwarrented comments on your body is absolutely not ok, and those people need to know this. But this whole article feels like an opportunity for Mandy to rant about her shitty friends because several times throughout the article mentions how no one has congratulated her or given her a “pat on the back” as though these things are owed to her.
But what I really wanted to talk about was how easily this term “thin-shaming” is being tossed around and why I really don’t like it.
Thin-shaming, for one, is co-opting language used to describe the oppression faced by fat people. By making the terms similar it is suggesting that the experiences are the same.
They are not. Not by a long way.
As I said earlier, people making unwarrented comments about your body and what you choose to it are not ok. But they are in no way comparative to the systematic abuse and prejudice faced by fat people.
Even before she lost her extra weight Mandy would not be what I would consider a fat person. So even before she lost her extra weight she could rest easy knowing that there isn’t a multi-billion dolar industry telling her that her body is wrong and needs to be eradicated. Mandy can rest easy knowing that she won’t be denied the chance to adopt or receive fertility treatment based purely on her size. Mandy can rest easy knowing she is less likely to be given inadequate medical treatment or misdiagnosed due to her weight. Mandy can rest easy knowing she won’t be less likely to be employed because of her size, or paid less in the job she has. She can live her daily life in relative ease in relation to her body because she won’t see bodies like hers on tv being used solely as a punchline, or humiliated on weight-loss shows. She will see her body size in every magazine, newspaper, and billboard. Mandy won’t have her body associated with negative personality traits like laziness, ignorance, and greed simply because of her size. Mandy can walk into any high street store and find clothes that fit that aren’t priced out because of her size.
Mandy says that she would “never call a larger person fat so why is it ok for them to call her skinny”
You know why, Mandy? Because it’s ok to be skinny. You’re allowed to be skinny. It’s encouraged to be skinny. It should be ok to be any size you want, but that isn’t the world we live in. You need to get back into reality and learn the difference between having your feelings hurt and being systematically dehumanized at every turn.
According to former-fattie Steve Miller, the irrelevant banshee of fat hate from Fat Families, fat people don’t have a sex life and are not found attractive.
I’m curious to know what Steve Miller *thinks* he knows about the inner workings of other people’s lives but considering he appears to barely have a soul I’m not sure he’s really an authority on anything other than to hate fat people because he hates himself too.
Like any fat-hater with a platform they are unable to tell the difference between correlation and causation. Sometimes being fat puts you at higher risk of certain disases, but this isn’t ever 100% of the case AND it’s not the cause. It can be related but that’s it. So scaremongering with providing no scientific evidence is pretty standard.
However, my biggest issue with this is coming from both sides. Naturally people are firing back with their own evidence of relationships, babies, and excellent counterpoints. But why are we even indulging in this narrative that sex and desirability are at the core of our value and self worth? Why is it only when people find us attractive does that invalidate any fat hate?
Someone doesn’t find me attractive? Big fucking deal.
Some people aren’t interested in sex at all. Lets stop erasing asexual identities with these bullshit narratives. Stop giving creedence to this ridiculous argument. Fat bodies are already fetishized and objectified by those that do want to fuck us. In turn fat bodies are ridiculed and reviled by those who don’t. Stop both sides deciding that their fucking boners are worth shit.
Steve Miller, I couldn’t care less of you, or anyone else wants to fuck me because my sexual desireability isn’t the core of worth. What I think of myself matters more.
I’m currently up north in the Lake District visiting family. The weather has been wonderful, the scenery has been breathtaking, and seeing my family after five months has been really amazing. I haven’t had much chance to be online aside from checking in on my phone. What a week to dip out of social media! .
This week we’ve seen Plus Size Wars hitting the tv, and like anything that puts plus size people in a remotely positive light, there is the usual furore. Then we had Jamelia, former popstar and now gob-for-hire on Looose Women (blergh), made some heinous comments about people in “extreme” sizes, noting “they” should feel comfortable when trying to buy clothes and in fact sizing that is less than a 6 and greater than a 20 shouldn’t be available in stores.
The plus size community fired back with Debz from A Wannabee Princess creating a hashtag #WeAreTheThey. You can find the original posts from her here.
The basic premise was that people like Jamelia want to talk about “they” without considering that “they” are real people. So this hashtag put faces to the anonymous people that were being spoken about with little to no thought or consideration.
The hashtag took off, and even made it into mainstream media. The plus size commnity really came together and made their voices heard. It was amazing to watch it snowball over a few hours. I felt helpless, hiding out in the middle of nowhere with barely any signal. I have been slowlyl catching up now I’m in a more signal friendly part of the lakes. Everyone’s pieces have been wonderful to read; sharing their heartache growing up fat, sharing their insecuritites and their own journeys to self acceptance.
What people like Jamelia seem to conveniently forget, when they preach about loving yourself but so long as you are “healthy”, is that health is NOT an obligation and it is certainly not a measure of worth. But most importantly is that when she, and people like her, talk about how people in these sizes shouldn’t have these things seems to think that we actually HAVE these things.
If people really knew how fat people were treated on a daily basis; how fat people are given inadequate medical care, less likely to get jobs, are physically abused, humilated, and used as a societal scapegoat for just about everything wrong, she would think twice before suggesting that simply by trying to live in peace was “gloryfying obesity”.
I don’t care if you think being fat is going to make my joints all fall off. I don’t care if you think that being fat will clog my arteries and stop my heart. I don’t care if you think that being fat will give me diabetes. I don’t care of you think that being fat is a strain on the NHS (have you ever bothered to ask WHAT the money is spent on?). Even if all those things were true (they aren’t) that is MY choice and you don’t have a say in it (No your tax money isn’t funding it.).
You don’t get to make me feel less of a human being because I am fat. You don’t get to make me feel less of a human being for anything.
So I’m a bit slow on the uptake (nothing new, right?) but I’m finally usting out my Curverella t-shirt from Nicky Rockets after purchasing it at Plus North in August last year. Shortly after the attending the event I injured my back and by the time I was up and about again it was jumper weather. So here it is and man I LOVE it.
I had been thinking for sometime about the fat-posi media I was consuming. As someone just getting into fatshion blogging I found myself following lots of blogs for inspiration and to find out the who’s-who of fat blogging. But I became more and more aware that I was seeing a lot of the same thing. Inspired by my last post, about the imperfections being ok, I realised that I was seeing a lot of polished, perfect images. High fashion, or highfemme-which are amazing in their own right and I’m super grateful they exist-but there was very little in the way of those who don’t subscribe to that either because they don’t want to or an unable to for whatever reason, and those people are important too.
So it was for this reason that I started the Pyjama Project. A submissions based Tumblr where fat people can submit images of themselves in their comfy clothes, baggy tees, ugly nighties, lazy day off clothes, face masks, messy hair–and be celebrated for being fab. It was pretty daunting and I didn’t exect much of a reception, but there has been some great support so far. I’m not exactly ‘tumblr famous’ or barely even a drop in the blogging ocean but I wanted to do my bit and I hope it doesn’t fall flat at the first hurdle.
If you’re interested in submitting you don’t need to have a Tumblr account. You can submit ‘anon’ and just leave any details you want like any social media platforms and the like.
This was my submission. Eeek!
It’s not secret that when it comes to fashion I’m about as lazy as it gets and having been off work for along time I’ve lived in my pajamas. Getting the motivation to get dressed and go out has been difficult. But challenge accepted and overcome the other day as I, unusually, put my hair up and slicked on some lippy before tottering out to run some errands.
But after I calmed down, and with cup of tea firmly in hand, I started to think about why yet another hashtag, why yet another anti-fat campaign was rearing its ugly head. January is a loathed month for most fat people as our social media news feeds begin to clog with the “New year, new me!” mantras as people’s self-loathing drips like sweat at the newly joined gym.
Wait..hold up. There’s that horrible little word again: BMI.